Wednesday, December 1, 2010

    Lincoln David Parkinson was born on August 31, 2007. He weighed in at 8lbs. and 9oz. and was as the saying goes a "healthy, bouncing baby boy". Lincoln was perfect. He had my nose and my eyes, daddy's skin tone and lips. I loved him. I was so excited to be his mom and to see where this new life would take my life. I dreamed about the day he would say his first word, wondered what his favorite toys would be and was certain his life would be just as I had always imagined.
    Today marked a day in my life I never imagined. Today my sweet Lincoln was diagnosed with Classic Autism. As Dave and I sat in a small, white room we were given news that completely altered any life plans I had made. As I sat listening to Dr McCoy telling us of our situation I kind of couldn't believe that I was "that mom" who had a child with a disability.
    I read a book called "The Barbers Song" where the author wrote these profound words, "How quickly the seasons of life change. A short time after we started our life as husband and wife, Arlene conceived our first child. Although we were stepping into a time that would give us great joy, I think we were fortunate not to have been able to see the challenges that were a part of our future. If this had been possible, we might have missed much happiness and growth in our efforts to sidestep the pain that lay ahead."
    As I thought about the point of this, I thought, "would I have changed my path had I known what we would be facing and the many challenges this would bring?" I really thought about that question and as I was completely honest with myself I realized I wouldn't change a thing. For me, that realization was a big deal. I seem to be one of those who tends to take the easy road rather than the road less traveled. I have come to realize I am not taking the seemingly smooth road I had expected. Instead I am taking a road with many bumps, forks, and hard to read signs. However, this unknown road can become familiar, easier to navigate, and even smoother as I work with my family and professionals in making our own roadmap.
   I also know I wouldn't change a thing because I was blessed with the most loving, amazing three-year-old I could have dreamed of. He just happens to have autism. As I have thought more about the diagnosis, I have realized this doesn't change how sweet Lincoln's kisses are, or his smile that can melt my heart, or his amazingly happy demeanor. The fact is, I know Lincoln was sent to our family, to me, for a reason. I know I am just beginning to learn the amazing things he will teach me. I am now so happy and at peace that I am "that mom". My perfect bouncing baby boy is still perfect just in a different way I had imagined. Lincoln, I know this diagnosis doesn't define you and I want you to know I love you and that you will always be my favorite Lincoln.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing such tender feelings. I was deeply touched. Tara, as a read each of the sweet qualities of our little Lincoln I sat and cried because it brings my feelings of him to the fore front. He is indeed a blessing to our family. I love him so much and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father sent him to our family to learn and grow from him and to have the privilege to love him. I am so grateful for you and the example that you are to me and the rest of the family. You are truly and shining light to me. I know the Lord will bless you and David with strength and courage to get through the tough days but with the same surety I know he will bless your little family with unexpected blessings. I feel so humbled to realize that I will get to be part of those blessings. I love Lincoln so much. He holds a very special place in my heart. I look forward to great excitment and anticipation as we start our journey as a family to "Holland" I love each of you more than words can express. Mom