Tuesday, October 18, 2011

One of those days...

Yesterday, was one of those days. One of those days ending in tears. The tears came because it was the only thing I could do to find comfort. Have you ever been anxious about stopping crying, because it is then when you will have to face reality and the emptiness you feel? I have. I did. On one of those days. I felt so alone. So lost.

That day had been a day of frustration. Frustration in not knowing how to help my child speak. Frustration in feeling I am doing this alone while my husband is away. Frustration in helping Lincoln do the same thing over and over and not seeing the progress. Frustration in seeing other children Lincoln's age accomplish things with ease that he may never do. Frustration with the same uncertain answer to same wanting question. How long? How long will it be this hard? How long will I have "one of those days" far too often? How long until feeling the only thing keeping the tears at bay is my will to keep them there will be over? How long?

The silver lining of these feelings is recognizing and being grateful for a God who gives us days, gives me days. Beautiful sunrises that come with a sense of newness and strength. Sometimes I wonder how I can keep going. Then I realize, you just do. Even when things are hard. Because even during the hard times there are wonderful things to experience it is just a matter of me choosing what I want to experience and what I want to feel. This doesn't mean I won't experience one of those days...but that maybe they will become fewer and fewer. So here to is to new days, relishing the good times while learning from the hard times. Lincoln, I will always keep going for you. I love you!


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